The Greatest Gift

Maintaining a balanced life in the ministry is definitely a challenge for a pastor, his wife, and their family. And…there is the congregation to consider, the work of God which must not be neglected, the work to which you are called…above everything else. Maintaining this balance has been my lifelong challenge, actually, more than a challenge, it has been my mission, my quest!

There have been times when I wanted to sit down and cry, or weep from sheer joy, to fix some wrong, or let someone stew in their own juice, to give someone a piece of my mind, only to realize I do not have enough of my own to give away.

If I can share one thing with pastor’s wives, one principle that keeps me sane and balanced through the many years of ministry, it would be this:

Love your pastor husband.” You are first and foremost, a wife and mother. Yes, I know, God is first, but when you fulfill this Biblical principle, (Titus 2: 4) God is first because we honor His word. Find ways and the time to keep that love burning hot and many of the other ministerial frustrations will not seem so overwhelming. I know this sounds very simplistic, but simply loving your pastor husband will pull you through the most difficult problems. I love him; he loves me; you have each other; the most blessed comfort in your shared ministry, a secret refuge where no one else can intrude, a place of your own where you gather strength to face another day.

Love your husband, your children, your church family.

Love is the glue, the ingredient that keeps us focused, keeps us balanced, so we don’t fall off the edge into a complaining and critical attitude. You will be much happier and more fulfilled if you focus on the positive things your husband does. Center your thoughts on the endearing charms of your children, and the merits and helpful qualities of your church family. Love is truly the greatest of gifts.
©2009 Ruth Carmichael Ellinger. All rights reserved


~ The Pastor’s Wife ~

There is one person in our Church
Who knows our Pastor’s life.
Who weeps and smiles
and prays with Him,
And that’s the Pastor’s wife!

The crowd has seen him in his strength,
While bearing God’s Sharp Sword
As underneath God’s banner’s folds
He faced the devil’s horde.

But deep within her heart she knows
That scarce an hour before
She helped him pray the glory down
Behind the closet door!

She heard him groaning in his soul
When bitter raged the strife.
As, hand in hand she knelt with him,
For she’s the Pastor’s Wife.

You tell your tales of Preachers brave
Who marched across the world
And changed the course of history
By burning words they hurled

And I will tell how back of each
Some woman lived her life
Who wept with him and smiled with him,
She was the Pastor’s Wife!

- Author Unknown -

 

~ I Am the Preacher's Wife ~
by Diane Pellin


I am the woman who proudly sits in the shadows as her husband stands in the light. I am the one who knows her husband is a gift from God, and so I give him back to my Lord through his full-time service. Often times, I am so lonely for him because I share him with others.

But I am also pleased that he gives of himself so unselfishly. I am the one who encourages the preacher when others sometimes fail to. I am the one who listens to his dreams for the church and helps him look into the future and see his dreams become a reality.

And when others wonder if he really cares, I am the one who sees him on his knees, shedding tears for the future of the Lord's church.


 

 

 

 


The Shepherdess

Am I a Sheep dog?

Last September, my pastor/husband and I were visiting my ancestral home in the southern uplands of Scotland. We were spending some leisurely days in a charming cottage nestled among the sheep pastures and often watched the sheep as they grazed contentedly on the lush green grass.

One morning, my daughter Katherine and I were sitting in the garden watching the sheep when the shepherd came to the sheepfold with his sheep dog. The dog separated out several sheep from the flock and kept them from bolting away as the shepherd administered some kind of special treatment for those particular sheep.

I said to my daughter, “I think I must be the sheep dog. I’m always rounding up the sheep and keeping them in line just so the shepherd can give them a dose of medicine or administer some kind of special treatment.”

Katherine, who knows first hand the life of a pastor’s wife and a PK, the pastor’s kid, said, “You’re not the dog, Mom, you’re a shepherdess. You just feel like the dog. The sheep dog has a specific duty to perform with no personal relationship with the sheep, but he doesn’t love the sheep, not like you do.”

I had to smile at that. Yes, sometimes I do feel like “the dog,” but I am unlike the sheep dog because I love the flock of God. They are etched on my heart by God’s own hand.

From that moment on, I ceased to think of myself as just the sheep dog, the woman whose duty it is to stand by her shepherd husband and “round ‘em up and keep ‘em straight”. I rather picture myself as a “shepherdess”. I feel in my ministering among the flock, the sweet and tender love that denotes that special title.

Because I love the sheep, it makes my calling and duties as a pastor’s wife pleasant and so personally rewarding. My connection in this team effort with my pastor/husband and the Great Shepherd has served to bring me closer to both of them in an intimate and precious relationship.

It is better to know that I am doing more than simply performing a duty void of love—like the sheep dog, but God has chosen me because He has found me faithful to this high calling of  “the shepherdess”. So I do His bidding with love and care, then the Good Shepherd adds more love and the mountains of grace I need every day.
©2009 Ruth Carmichael Ellinger. All rights reserved


Helpful Resources for ministry wives

Books

A Handbook for Ministers' Wives: Sharing the Blessing of Your Marriage, Family, and Home
by Dorothy Kelley Patterson ISBN #0805420630

For women who are in the challenging role of being married to men who serve in ministry positions. This book addresses the personal commitments to Christian character and conduct a minister's wife must make and the commitment to family relationships to her husband, her children, and the extended family as well.

High Call High Privilege
by Gail MacDonald ISBN# 1565635574

A Pastor's Wife Speaks to Every Woman in a Place of Responsibility. A thought-provoking, encouraging, and convicting book. A challenging read.

Devotions for Ministry Wives Encouragement from Those Who've Been There
by Barbara Hughes ISBN# 0310236320

A book of encouraging devotional meditations by wives of ministry leaders, to wives who are married to pastors and other ministry leaders. Each of 90 entries includes a Scripture text, devotional comments, and a related prayer.

Married to a Pastor: How to Stay Happily Married in the Ministry
by H.B., Jr. London and Neil Wiseman ISBN# 0830725059

It's time to celebrate, honor, and express appreciation for the women who make many male pastors great. This book is unique because it was written for pastors and spouses to read together-we hope you will do just that. This book is not about keeping house, church manners, child raising, or keeping a few strange people happy in your church. No - it's about life. Full of encouragement, affirmation and appreciation, this book will play an important part in strengthening and energizing both marriages and ministries.

A Circuit Rider's Wife
by Corra Harris, Grace Toney Edwards

Drawing on the years author Corra Harris accompanied her husband in his work as a missionary, this novel tells of the challenges, hardships, and--aside from occasional homemade or homegrown donations--mostly intangible rewards of itinerant country preaching. Set in a fictional circuit, this thinly veiled autobiographical account of one woman's austere life in the north Georgia mountains is classic narrative.

Boundaries
When to Say “Yes” When to Say “No” Take Control of Your Life ISBN# 0310585902

Offers guidelines on how to establish healthy boundaries. Set limits and still be a loving person. What are legitimate boundaries? - What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries? - How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? - Aren't boundaries selfish? - Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries? Biblically-based answers to how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.

Counsel for Pastors' Wives
by Diane Langberg, Ruth Senter

Why do women in the church keep their distance from me? Should I share my struggles with others in the church? Where does my loyalty lie? How should I respond to a husband who does not practice what he preaches?

Heart to Heart With Pastors' Wives by Lynne Dugan ISBN# 0830716831

Twelve Women Share the Wisdom They've Gained As Partners in Ministry

Join hands with pastors wives and hear from women who have found their own place supporting their husband's work and reaching out on their own. Discover God calling for you in this inspirational, encouraging book.

Help! I'm a Pastor's Wife
edited by Michele Buckingham

Published by Creation House [c1986]: Altamonte Springs, FL. Amazon will attempt to find. Alternately, try requesting this book via Inter-Library Loan through your local library.

How to Care for the Whole World and Still Take Care of Yourself
by Peg Rankin
A Woman's Complete Guide to Setting Priorities.

Personal preservation for the pressures a Christian woman feels. How to restore wholeness and extend yourself without becoming overextended.

I'm More Than the Pastor's Wife
by Lorna Dobson ISBN# 0310247284

Supporting Your Husband's Ministry Without Losing Your Identity Pastors' wives stories that examine life in the ministry. PW’s will be encouraged on their walk down the narrow balance beam of managing their own Christian commitment while looking after their families' needs.

I'm Trying to Sit at His Feet, but Who's Going to Cook Dinner?
by Cathy Lechner ISBN# 0884194094

Approaching a serious subject in a humorous manner, Cathy Lechner shows women how they can pursue their relationship with God in the middle of the pressures and demands of family life.

A Handbook for Parents in Ministry: Training Up a Child While Answering the Call
by Dorothy Kelley and Armour Patterson ISBN# 0805427864

A Handbook for Parents in Ministry is for a ministry parent to read and get a vision of what God intended to be the responsibility of godly parents--how parenting fits into the ministry setting. A Handbook for Parents in Ministry will enrich the parent/child relationship and answer questions and challenges unique to parents who are serving the kingdom vocationally.


Links:

Pastor’s Wives
www.pastorswife.net

My Cottage
www.misslink.org/chapel/
revwife.html

The Accidental Pastor’s Wife www.accidentalpastorswife.
blogspot.com/2007/06/personal-devotions.html

Devotional Resource for Pastor’s Wife www.geocities.com/biblemama7/
Devo1.html

 

 

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